We’re all going a bit crazy here. Take this quiz to find out what’s your lockdown personality. Because we’ve all got one.
1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
A) Check three of your 65 news apps for the latest coronavirus updates.
B) Track your Amazon parcel.
C) Feed your sourdough starter.
E) Send an engaging invitation to a Zoom wine tasting you’re organizing.
2. It’s week 7 of lockdown and you…
A) Are just about to reveal your theory about what went wrong in the government’s response to the virus.
B) Have maxed out your credit card
C) Wonder if you should start raising chickens in your garden.
D) Are still drinking coffee in your PJs at 1 PM. Life is good.
E) Have gained a loyal following for your brand new Knitting in Lockdown YouTube channel
3. How do you feel about your upcoming work meeting on Zoom?
A) ”Is the company I’m working for secretly benefitting from the virus?”
B) ”Ooh! I get to wear my new dress!”
C) ”Can we keep it short? I’ve only got 40 minutes before I need to take melanzane alla parmigiana out the oven.”
D) ”Do I really have to wash my hair and put on make-up?”
E) ”This is actually a great way of working. So much more effective than office meetings.”
4. Your friend calls you worried. How do you comfort them?
A) Tell them that the virus is only an excuse for the government to install surveillance cameras to monitor our every step.
B) Tell them that The Outnet is gradually reopening. It’s all going to be fine.
C) Send them a recipe for an anxiety-busting green smoothie.
D) Tell them that nature is healing and the air is cleaner than in decades. Isn’t that wonderful?
E) Send them a link to a fabulous theatre show to stream.
5. What is the first thing you will do when the lockdown ends?
A) ”Don’t tell anyone but I’ve been meeting my friends IRL every week. Two meters apart, of course. It’s a big living room.”
B) Return all the unwanted items you ordered online.
C) Arrange a huge dinner party.
D) ”Do I really need to see people now?”
E) Wonder if you can keep having your blog, vlog, IGTV, and podcast when returning to your actual job.
And now the results…
You believe coronavirus was man-made and passed on purpose to draw attention away from the demonstrations in Hong Kong. You watch all the news from all the channels and keep correcting the newscasters so your household can’t hear a thing from the TV. You’re on fire on Twitter, writing snappy comments about how the government made the wrong decision on handling the virus, again. Your DIY hand sanitizer has become popular among the neighbours because they trust you more now than the local chemist.
You enjoy the fact that you can be at home to receive your delivery when it arrives. No more recruiting neighbours to accept your parcel or late-night pick-ups from the corner shop. You love the thrill of opening the packages and trying things on. It’s like Christmas every week. The only downside is the clothes that don’t fit, the shoes that arrived in the wrong colour and the Insta-worthy bed frame that is too small for your mattress. You’re desperately waiting for the shops to reopen so you can return all that stuff before you get buried under it. Because no way you’re leaving your house now to go to the post office with the packages.
You became a foodie overnight. It all started with an innocent look at a cookbook you got as a gift ten years ago, but it has sprawled into growing a sourdough family, making your own curry pastes, and planting herbs and tomatoes on the balcony. You used to hate cooking but now it’s the best thing you can think of. You go to bed fantasizing about your chia-pudding-with-home-made-peach-compote-and-a-freshly-ground-Aeropress-coffee breakfast. By 3 PM you start dreaming about the Hungarian goulash you’re about to make for dinner.
You love lockdown. Finally you’ve got time for yourself, as you don’t have to worry about meeting people or going anywhere. There’s no need to wear make-up or clothes that require ironing. Or washing, really. You’ve started meditating and doing yoga every day, you’ve logged out of all social media, and when there’s a Zoom meeting at work, you pretend your internet connection is so bad you can’t connect. You enjoy long walks in the forest -alone of course – and take pictures of the clear waters and blue skies. You think coronavirus was the universe’s way of reminding us what’s important in life.
Can’t go anywhere? No problem! You make sure your whole circle of friends and family have their calendars full of brunching on FaceTime, Netflix bingeing on Zoom, and Houseparty quiz nights. You know exactly which musicals to stream this week, which museums have arranged virtual tours, and which magazines offer their latest issues free online. You agilely turned yourself into an online personality by taking over all possible platforms for self-expression, and whenever a grain of loneliness tries to sneak it, you send out an invitation to a virtual game of Monopoly. Starting in five.